Recognizing the Girl in the Mirror
So when I started this program I had to come up with a list of why's. A list of things motivating me to change. Things that would drive me to keep going when I didn't feel like it.
In June I wrote a blog post entitled Loving the Girl in the mirror. In this post I recognize that I need long-term permanent lifestyle change. I also recognized that I needed to start loving the person I am now.
What's interesting is when I composed my list of Why's, I wrote that I wanted to recognize myself in the mirror.
I realized at the time when I looked at the mirror I didn't recognize myself staring back. I couldn't believe the person I had become. I saw a large, sad, hurting woman who was in excruciating pain.
So I don't do it often but as I was washing my hands yesterday I looked up at myself in the mirror. I had the same realization but for different reasons. I once again didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. I have been transforming. So much so that I didn't even realize.
What I see different in those pictures isn't so much about the obvious: the weight and pounds, but the heart disposition. The person on the left has hope and joy. Her confidence isn't shaken by the hard things, by the opposition, by the frustration, by the difficulties. The woman on the right was on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications and anti-psychotic. The person on the left is on the smallest dose of a single anti-depressant and is getting off completely in a couple months. (My doctor asked me to wait til March was over knowing what a challenging month it is for me.)
I used to feel shame looking in the mirror. Not because of what I saw but because I actually looked. I'm learning that God doesn't want me to despise myself. It's okay to see myself and rejoice in what He has done.
He has set this captive free. He has broken me from my sugar addiction and food addiction. Food doesn't have the hold on me it once did. I've been very wary of myself. Checking to make sure I didn't replace one addiction with another. That I'm not just filling that void with shopping, social media, work or busyness. I keep running to God. Keep surrendering myself. Keep laying down my expectations on the altar.
I didn't know whether I would succeed or fail so to speak when I started this journey. I hoped. Hoped that God could do the impossible... and He has.
Has my life magically become perfect and all the things fallen into place? NO
But He is showing me that He loves me. Always has. Always will. Not because of what my scale says. Not because of the size I wear. But because He does. He's just good like that.
I'm over halfway there to my goal. I'm 76 pounds down. 74 more to go. Trusting God with this process. Praising Him because He is faithful. He hasn't stopped being God. He is worthy of my trust!j
Taking a deep breath and moving forward in joy. To God be the glory.
In June I wrote a blog post entitled Loving the Girl in the mirror. In this post I recognize that I need long-term permanent lifestyle change. I also recognized that I needed to start loving the person I am now.
What's interesting is when I composed my list of Why's, I wrote that I wanted to recognize myself in the mirror.
I realized at the time when I looked at the mirror I didn't recognize myself staring back. I couldn't believe the person I had become. I saw a large, sad, hurting woman who was in excruciating pain.
So I don't do it often but as I was washing my hands yesterday I looked up at myself in the mirror. I had the same realization but for different reasons. I once again didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. I have been transforming. So much so that I didn't even realize.
What I see different in those pictures isn't so much about the obvious: the weight and pounds, but the heart disposition. The person on the left has hope and joy. Her confidence isn't shaken by the hard things, by the opposition, by the frustration, by the difficulties. The woman on the right was on anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications and anti-psychotic. The person on the left is on the smallest dose of a single anti-depressant and is getting off completely in a couple months. (My doctor asked me to wait til March was over knowing what a challenging month it is for me.)
I used to feel shame looking in the mirror. Not because of what I saw but because I actually looked. I'm learning that God doesn't want me to despise myself. It's okay to see myself and rejoice in what He has done.
He has set this captive free. He has broken me from my sugar addiction and food addiction. Food doesn't have the hold on me it once did. I've been very wary of myself. Checking to make sure I didn't replace one addiction with another. That I'm not just filling that void with shopping, social media, work or busyness. I keep running to God. Keep surrendering myself. Keep laying down my expectations on the altar.
I didn't know whether I would succeed or fail so to speak when I started this journey. I hoped. Hoped that God could do the impossible... and He has.
Has my life magically become perfect and all the things fallen into place? NO
But He is showing me that He loves me. Always has. Always will. Not because of what my scale says. Not because of the size I wear. But because He does. He's just good like that.
I'm over halfway there to my goal. I'm 76 pounds down. 74 more to go. Trusting God with this process. Praising Him because He is faithful. He hasn't stopped being God. He is worthy of my trust!j
Taking a deep breath and moving forward in joy. To God be the glory.
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