Joy in the Journey
8th months and I'm 107 pounds down.
So where have I been? I was doing okay posting on my blog and then I stopped in February... and then time just went on and March was all Covid... and then April and May (more lockdown) so I've been just riding the ride.
And then two different friends said remarkable things to me today. One encouraged in me my writing. And one reminded me that I had a gift to give.
You see I've been a bit frozen. A bit afraid of saying the wrong thing in this stressful climate.
When Covid first hit and quarantine and shelter in place became a thing there was a part of me that felt pretty shallow talking about my weight loss updates. There was also a part of me that felt like "who cares what I eat? The world is ending!"
And there were times where I totally failed. I overate popcorn and almonds y'all. I was emotionally eating. I was struggling.
Mike laughed.
He was like do you remember what you used to eat when you emotionally ate?
You guys I would eat like half a Papa John's meat lovers pizza and then half their stinking delicious dessert cinnamon pull apart. I would drink Dr. Pepper. I would eat until I felt like passing out into oblivion and I would wake up the next day exhausted from carb overload and felt like I had a hangover.
I have come so far friends. I really have. It's not just the 107 pounds down, though that's pretty great. It's not going from a 22/24 to a size 10... although it's very nice.
It's this mindset shift. It's this desire to take care of what God has given me.
My desire to focus on my health is so that I can be the very best me... and give myself to others. It's so I can serve Mike, and my kids. It's so I can be a better mother, daughter, wife, sister, and friend. It's so I can love others well. It's so I can stop being obsessed with myself and my appearance... when you take care of yourself you don't worry about what others think of you. You can get out of your head- it's done.
It's being able to spring out of bed, not painfully roll myself out of bed. It's about tying my shoes effortlessly and shaving my legs in the sink without straining. It's having energy to dance in the kitchen with my kids in the morning, afternoon and at bedtime.
It's changing the meals I make. It's changing the food I give my kids. It's this amazing ripple effect that has not just touched me but also my husband and my kids... and my clients. I'm watching my clients drop 15, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 pounds. It's crazy amazing.
I am so grateful to God. I have hope for my future. My hope isn't in my circumstances it's in the Lord. But He is equipping me to change and to carry out my healthy habits for a lifetime.
There are still struggles, friends. It was a little intense when Mike was laid off for a month. It was hard when we lost 3 sources of income in one month. I had to get to work and up my business game. We had to school not just one but all 5 kids. Samuel is still in a myriad of health issues and diagnoses. But God is good. He is working in us and through us. We are not the same.
I don't have my crap together y'all, not even close. But God has taken broken people and has called them His own. He is doing a good work in me and He who began it is faithful to bring it to completion.
I was sharing with a friend tonight that I have felt like such a failure. Such a mess up. But God in His infinite kindness is reminding me that I have worth. I am precious in His sight.
You know what's amazing to me... even when I was at my worst... at my worst physically (heaviest), mentally (depressed, anxious and suicidal, and struggling with self-harm), and emotionally (couldn't get out of my PTSD/trauma cycles)... God loved me and accepted me. He loved me then. He loves me now.
But knowing His love then is what helped enable me to see that I could change.
I didn't have to change to earn His love.
But I could change and walk in freedom. And walk in light. And walk with confidence that He was going to continue this good work in me.
I used to hate that girl. That caterpillar girl. That ugly, fat girl.... but God looked at her and called her beautiful. He called my name. He chose me. He had plans for me. And He didn't leave me in my mess.
He slowly began restoring me. He began changing my thoughts. He began giving me seeds of hope. What if I could change?! What if I could have a different life?! What if I could be free of joint pain? The shadowy fear of diabetes and heart disease?! What if I didn't need gastric bypass surgery to save my life?
What if I could keep up with my kids and chase after them and play with them? What if I could teach them what healthy living looked like?
Now I'm thankful for that caterpillar girl. She helped me get to where I am. She survived. She stayed alive long enough that I could go into my chrysalis and transform.
There is a butterfly emerging.
A special thank you to Bonnie Carnes and Sami Smith. I really needed to hear your words today. Your words made a difference in my life.
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| Image on left October 7, 2019 Image on Right May 11, 2020 |
So where have I been? I was doing okay posting on my blog and then I stopped in February... and then time just went on and March was all Covid... and then April and May (more lockdown) so I've been just riding the ride.
And then two different friends said remarkable things to me today. One encouraged in me my writing. And one reminded me that I had a gift to give.
You see I've been a bit frozen. A bit afraid of saying the wrong thing in this stressful climate.
When Covid first hit and quarantine and shelter in place became a thing there was a part of me that felt pretty shallow talking about my weight loss updates. There was also a part of me that felt like "who cares what I eat? The world is ending!"
And there were times where I totally failed. I overate popcorn and almonds y'all. I was emotionally eating. I was struggling.
Mike laughed.
He was like do you remember what you used to eat when you emotionally ate?
You guys I would eat like half a Papa John's meat lovers pizza and then half their stinking delicious dessert cinnamon pull apart. I would drink Dr. Pepper. I would eat until I felt like passing out into oblivion and I would wake up the next day exhausted from carb overload and felt like I had a hangover.
I have come so far friends. I really have. It's not just the 107 pounds down, though that's pretty great. It's not going from a 22/24 to a size 10... although it's very nice.
It's this mindset shift. It's this desire to take care of what God has given me.
My desire to focus on my health is so that I can be the very best me... and give myself to others. It's so I can serve Mike, and my kids. It's so I can be a better mother, daughter, wife, sister, and friend. It's so I can love others well. It's so I can stop being obsessed with myself and my appearance... when you take care of yourself you don't worry about what others think of you. You can get out of your head- it's done.
It's being able to spring out of bed, not painfully roll myself out of bed. It's about tying my shoes effortlessly and shaving my legs in the sink without straining. It's having energy to dance in the kitchen with my kids in the morning, afternoon and at bedtime.
It's changing the meals I make. It's changing the food I give my kids. It's this amazing ripple effect that has not just touched me but also my husband and my kids... and my clients. I'm watching my clients drop 15, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 pounds. It's crazy amazing.
I am so grateful to God. I have hope for my future. My hope isn't in my circumstances it's in the Lord. But He is equipping me to change and to carry out my healthy habits for a lifetime.
There are still struggles, friends. It was a little intense when Mike was laid off for a month. It was hard when we lost 3 sources of income in one month. I had to get to work and up my business game. We had to school not just one but all 5 kids. Samuel is still in a myriad of health issues and diagnoses. But God is good. He is working in us and through us. We are not the same.
I don't have my crap together y'all, not even close. But God has taken broken people and has called them His own. He is doing a good work in me and He who began it is faithful to bring it to completion.
I was sharing with a friend tonight that I have felt like such a failure. Such a mess up. But God in His infinite kindness is reminding me that I have worth. I am precious in His sight.
You know what's amazing to me... even when I was at my worst... at my worst physically (heaviest), mentally (depressed, anxious and suicidal, and struggling with self-harm), and emotionally (couldn't get out of my PTSD/trauma cycles)... God loved me and accepted me. He loved me then. He loves me now.
But knowing His love then is what helped enable me to see that I could change.
I didn't have to change to earn His love.
But I could change and walk in freedom. And walk in light. And walk with confidence that He was going to continue this good work in me.
I used to hate that girl. That caterpillar girl. That ugly, fat girl.... but God looked at her and called her beautiful. He called my name. He chose me. He had plans for me. And He didn't leave me in my mess.
He slowly began restoring me. He began changing my thoughts. He began giving me seeds of hope. What if I could change?! What if I could have a different life?! What if I could be free of joint pain? The shadowy fear of diabetes and heart disease?! What if I didn't need gastric bypass surgery to save my life?
What if I could keep up with my kids and chase after them and play with them? What if I could teach them what healthy living looked like?
Now I'm thankful for that caterpillar girl. She helped me get to where I am. She survived. She stayed alive long enough that I could go into my chrysalis and transform.
There is a butterfly emerging.
A special thank you to Bonnie Carnes and Sami Smith. I really needed to hear your words today. Your words made a difference in my life.
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