Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

So after playing the yo-yo game for a bit I had a change. I gained 15 pounds. Yippee. (said in monotone, flat ironic voice). Yeah, I got on this new medicine that was supposed to not affect my weight and bam... the pounds came on. This was discouraging after working out 3 days a week for an hour and a half a stretch (cardio & weights)... and the pounds came on. It wasn't like I felt like I was gaining true fat weight but just getting puffy everywhere. I think I had retained a ton of water. So, that happened and then I went nuts. I was like, "Fine, go ahead... if you're going to pile on me anyway then I'm going to enjoy it." So while in Florida I managed to eat ice-cream everyday and overeat in general. Silly, silly girl. Get back on the horse. We got home last night and today I already started back to exercise... and self-discipline. Eating good healthy foods full of protein, nutrients, vitamins, etc. I am praying and asking God to help me... help me t...

tired. emotional. wanting instant gratification. The past several weeks have been a struggle. For some reason I keep turning to food for comfort. It satisfies... for a little while... and then I'm left with that same empty, gnawing ache. Only God can fill these deep needs and provide comfort in the midst of sorrow & suffering. Only He truly satisfies. I've been reading an excellent book entitled, "Gotta Have It!: freedom from wanting everything RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!" It is reminding me of my excessities... things I turn to for false comfort.

When out of control the best thing to avoid being around is cupcakes. My emotions ran away for the past two weeks. Between my brother's wedding, Valentine's Day, and Samuel's birthday.... and all the emotions of the events... well, let's just say I fell off the horse. So now I'm getting back in the saddle. I didn't plan to fail but without a plan I did fail. So now I am coming up with a plan. It's funny how when you're disciplined everything seems to fall in line... you drink your water, eat well, exercise, get sleep. But somehow when you don't sleep, you eat more sugar, stop drinking water... It just all falls apart. The good thing is I realize how much my perfectionism plays into this. I was so upset that I missed a couple of days of journaling what i ate and drank that I decided to just not mess up my book by not having it in order... that I just stopped journaling. Crazy me. I'd rather have a messy journal than a messed up plan... But anyway....