Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

8th months and I'm 107 pounds down. Image on left October 7, 2019 Image on Right May 11, 2020 So where have I been? I was doing okay posting on my blog and then I stopped in February... and then time just went on and  March was all Covid... and then April and May (more lockdown) so I've been just riding the ride. And then two different friends said remarkable things to me today. One encouraged in me my writing. And one reminded me that I had a gift to give. You see I've been a bit frozen. A bit afraid of saying the wrong thing in this stressful climate. When Covid first hit and quarantine and shelter in place became a thing there was a part of me that felt pretty shallow talking about my weight loss updates. There was also a part of me that felt like "who cares what I eat? The world is ending!" And there were times where I totally failed. I overate popcorn and almonds y'all. I was emotionally eating. I was struggling. Mike laughed. He was lik...

So when I started this program I had to come up with a list of why's. A list of things motivating me to change. Things that would drive me to keep going when I didn't feel like it. In June I wrote a blog post entitled Loving the Girl in the mirror. In this post I recognize that I need long-term permanent lifestyle change. I also recognized that I needed to start loving the person I am now. What's interesting is when I composed my list of Why's, I wrote that I wanted to recognize myself in the mirror. I realized at the time when I looked at the mirror I didn't recognize myself staring back. I couldn't believe the person I had become. I saw a large, sad, hurting woman who was in excruciating pain. So I don't do it often but as I was washing my hands yesterday I looked up at myself in the mirror. I had the same realization but for different reasons. I once again didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. I have been transforming. So much so that I did...

I'm down 73 pounds. Wow. As I type that... I realize that's a lot of weight. One thing that has happened as I've lost weight is that I've had a lot to to think about.. A lot to discover and process and explore. My feelings... for sure. But also my thoughts. How do I view myself? Have I magically become a "better" person because I'm thinner?         Nope. Has the essence of my being changed because of this weight loss?         Nope. Do I still have struggles now that I'm getting closer to my optimal weight?       Absolutely! Losing weight doesn't change the core of who you are. It reveals who you've always been. I am finding I am truer to the self I was created to be. Does this inherently make be a better person? No it doesn't. I know our society has taught us to value youth, being fit and looking sexy. But here's the deal, y'all. It's still about our hearts. Who we are doesn't alter just because we drop...

I'm thankful that even now before the throne of God there is One who lives to intercede for me. Pizza will never fill the hole in my heart. Only God can. What does intercede mean? to act or interpose in behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition: to attempt to reconcile differences between two people or groups; mediate.  I don't know about you but I need an intercessor. There is no way I could, on my own, make myself right with God. Jesus is my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Intercessor. He is every pleading on my behalf. I'm not left to manage myself alone.  My heart has been hurting lately. Yesterday was a day of pizza temptation. I had this huge hole in my heart that was looking for comfort and my kids had pizza for lunch and dinner. I've been able to look past what they're eating pretty easily... but yesterday was different. I wanted COMFORT... and comfort looked like PIZZA. BUT I SAID NOPE! I didn't give in t...

So I've experienced week 2. A lot more energy which has been amazing! I've had my moments of fighting sadness and depression, which kind of surprised me. It's amazing what you feel when you're not eating your feelings. When you actually let things surface. I realized I was really upset when I got Samuel's INTACT clinic appointment reminder. INTACT stands for Individuals Thriving After Cancer Treatment. Most of his appointments don't knock for me a loop but this one does. We have to go over all the effects of the chemo and radiation. It can feel very scary and overwhelming and make me anxious about the future. But God doesn't call me to live in the future. He says He is I AM! Which means I need to be here. Right now. Present. Right where I am. So I had to work through that. I also went to a banquet dinner this week. I took the pears and blue cheese off my salad and ate the spring mix without dressing. I passed on the crostini and the hot rolls. I ate ...

So, I woke up this morning and knew it was time to get on the scale. I've been following the program to a T... but would it pay off? DOWN 8.4 lbs. and 6.5 inches in one week! Bringing myself to a total of 18.4 lbs lost in the past month! I had a few moments of weakness but have not been hungry. Focusing on getting all my fuelings in and enjoying making my lean and green meal. Today I made zucchini noodles with 5 oz of lean ground beef and a 1/4 cup of organic spaghetti sauce... so satisfying! I've hardly had any cravings. The occasional garlic mashers or fries is tempting, along with Brie cheese... but I find that it's not a physical temptation as much as it is an emotional one. I want to eat comfort food. I want to stuff down my feelings. I want to numb myself on a Sunday afternoon after church so I can zone out. I want to eat the pancakes my family is eating at IHOP. But I didn't. I ate a grilled chicken salad and whenI got home I took my chocolate chip pancak...