Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

8th months and I'm 107 pounds down. Image on left October 7, 2019 Image on Right May 11, 2020 So where have I been? I was doing okay posting on my blog and then I stopped in February... and then time just went on and  March was all Covid... and then April and May (more lockdown) so I've been just riding the ride. And then two different friends said remarkable things to me today. One encouraged in me my writing. And one reminded me that I had a gift to give. You see I've been a bit frozen. A bit afraid of saying the wrong thing in this stressful climate. When Covid first hit and quarantine and shelter in place became a thing there was a part of me that felt pretty shallow talking about my weight loss updates. There was also a part of me that felt like "who cares what I eat? The world is ending!" And there were times where I totally failed. I overate popcorn and almonds y'all. I was emotionally eating. I was struggling. Mike laughed. He was lik...

So when I started this program I had to come up with a list of why's. A list of things motivating me to change. Things that would drive me to keep going when I didn't feel like it. In June I wrote a blog post entitled Loving the Girl in the mirror. In this post I recognize that I need long-term permanent lifestyle change. I also recognized that I needed to start loving the person I am now. What's interesting is when I composed my list of Why's, I wrote that I wanted to recognize myself in the mirror. I realized at the time when I looked at the mirror I didn't recognize myself staring back. I couldn't believe the person I had become. I saw a large, sad, hurting woman who was in excruciating pain. So I don't do it often but as I was washing my hands yesterday I looked up at myself in the mirror. I had the same realization but for different reasons. I once again didn't recognize the girl in the mirror. I have been transforming. So much so that I did...

I'm down 73 pounds. Wow. As I type that... I realize that's a lot of weight. One thing that has happened as I've lost weight is that I've had a lot to to think about.. A lot to discover and process and explore. My feelings... for sure. But also my thoughts. How do I view myself? Have I magically become a "better" person because I'm thinner?         Nope. Has the essence of my being changed because of this weight loss?         Nope. Do I still have struggles now that I'm getting closer to my optimal weight?       Absolutely! Losing weight doesn't change the core of who you are. It reveals who you've always been. I am finding I am truer to the self I was created to be. Does this inherently make be a better person? No it doesn't. I know our society has taught us to value youth, being fit and looking sexy. But here's the deal, y'all. It's still about our hearts. Who we are doesn't alter just because we drop...

I had a dream last night that I ate sugar. In my dream I ate a cupcake and drank a large cup of sweet tea. I woke up with a headache. So weird. I think this new way of eating is getting into my subconscious. It's amazing to me how I have been able to jump past hurdles like Halloween, Baby Showers, Birthday Parties, and even Thanksgiving. This program really helps keep my sugar levels balanced and the cravings down. I was talking with one of my clients and she was saying that what she experiences isn't true physical cravings for food but the emotional effect she'd have from eating those foods. E.G. Chocolate- Endorphins. What she is truly craving is the effect. I can relate. As I approach my sister's birthday this week and recognize that she would have been turning 37 I realize how tempting it is to want to turn to food for comfort. For a quick fix. For a temporary high. I used to used food to reward myself and to punish myself. It was a sick cycle. Now, it...

I can’t believe where I was a year ago and where I am today! God has brought me so far. I am so amazed! I gave blood Wednesday. My iron was awesome, my blood pressure phenomenal and I was 44 pounds down from when I donated 2 months ago. What a difference being healthier has made for me even in my blood donation! I didn’t get a headache afterwards. I felt strong and full of energy the whole day! I didn’t overeat for Thanksgiving and I felt no deprivation. So thankful for this journey! God is so faithful!

I went from losing 18 pounds last week to dropping over another 4 this week. I find it AMAZING- especially with the stress I’ve been under and all the emotional triggers of Samuel’s 4 hour CHKD appointment with the “late effects” clinic. I am shocked how I’ve continued to not eat donuts or birthday cake. I’m not touching soda or sweet tea. Eating this way seems to really have broken my sugar addiction! I’ve been doing this 5 weeks and though at times I wrestle with my desire to emotionally eat- I have not caved once! I’m not a super self control queen- honestly, it’s been Jesus and this program! I’m so incredibly thankful! I’m down a total of 32.6 pounds. The first ten was using CPAP therapy. The other 22.6 is from my nutritional program. So incredibly grateful for the energy I feel! In awe of God at work!

I'm thankful that even now before the throne of God there is One who lives to intercede for me. Pizza will never fill the hole in my heart. Only God can. What does intercede mean? to act or interpose in behalf of someone in difficulty or trouble, as by pleading or petition: to attempt to reconcile differences between two people or groups; mediate.  I don't know about you but I need an intercessor. There is no way I could, on my own, make myself right with God. Jesus is my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Intercessor. He is every pleading on my behalf. I'm not left to manage myself alone.  My heart has been hurting lately. Yesterday was a day of pizza temptation. I had this huge hole in my heart that was looking for comfort and my kids had pizza for lunch and dinner. I've been able to look past what they're eating pretty easily... but yesterday was different. I wanted COMFORT... and comfort looked like PIZZA. BUT I SAID NOPE! I didn't give in t...

It's been amazing all the different things that have come to the surface since I'm no longer eating my feelings. I find myself trying to find new ways to numb and distract myself. Mainly Facebook/Instagram/Pinterest. So I'm having to set a timer and let myself be on for 10 minutes and when the timer goes off I get off. I'm not going to replace a bad habit with another bad habit! I also see myself wanting to turn to my phone to kill time instead of doing the things I need to be doing... it's like I'm bored while being busy! It's been so interesting being raw and vulnerable. I feel like I'm completely open to any kind of attack. I've had to keep turning to the Lord and asking Him to be my covering. To be my shield. My protector and defender. My help in time of need. Yesterday I was down for the count. Peter had come with a virus/bug and passed it on to me and Mike. Thankful I was able to sleep a lot of the day. I chose to still do my fuelings and l...

So I've experienced week 2. A lot more energy which has been amazing! I've had my moments of fighting sadness and depression, which kind of surprised me. It's amazing what you feel when you're not eating your feelings. When you actually let things surface. I realized I was really upset when I got Samuel's INTACT clinic appointment reminder. INTACT stands for Individuals Thriving After Cancer Treatment. Most of his appointments don't knock for me a loop but this one does. We have to go over all the effects of the chemo and radiation. It can feel very scary and overwhelming and make me anxious about the future. But God doesn't call me to live in the future. He says He is I AM! Which means I need to be here. Right now. Present. Right where I am. So I had to work through that. I also went to a banquet dinner this week. I took the pears and blue cheese off my salad and ate the spring mix without dressing. I passed on the crostini and the hot rolls. I ate ...

Oh my goodness friends. I have so much energy. It blows my mind. Energy in the morning for sure... but I still have energy at the end of the day. I'm dancing in my kitchen by dinner time. I noticed I could bend over with ease to get pots and pans out of the cupboard... before I used to yell for one of my children and ask them to reach for me! I'm marveling at God at work. Can this really all happen from a change of nutrition? I can't believe I don't have cravings! I'm not a sugar monster. I'm not even sweating approaching holidays. I'm learning what I can substitute and an am enjoying feeling my body- get naturally hungry and then fueling it! I know I'm only on Day 12 but I just feel a whole new lease on life. It doesn't feel like work to get out of bed. I'm genuinely joyful in spite of roadblocks, hiccups and inconveniences. How can God be doing this good work in me? Oh my goodness! I just got to stop and praise Him for a moment. ...

So, I woke up this morning and knew it was time to get on the scale. I've been following the program to a T... but would it pay off? DOWN 8.4 lbs. and 6.5 inches in one week! Bringing myself to a total of 18.4 lbs lost in the past month! I had a few moments of weakness but have not been hungry. Focusing on getting all my fuelings in and enjoying making my lean and green meal. Today I made zucchini noodles with 5 oz of lean ground beef and a 1/4 cup of organic spaghetti sauce... so satisfying! I've hardly had any cravings. The occasional garlic mashers or fries is tempting, along with Brie cheese... but I find that it's not a physical temptation as much as it is an emotional one. I want to eat comfort food. I want to stuff down my feelings. I want to numb myself on a Sunday afternoon after church so I can zone out. I want to eat the pancakes my family is eating at IHOP. But I didn't. I ate a grilled chicken salad and whenI got home I took my chocolate chip pancak...

I'm so excited!!! I found a nutritional plan that will work with my life and will allow me to eat every 2-3 hours and lose weight big time and today after a month of thoughts I decided to take the first step and join!  I'm eager to retrain my brain to get away from emotional eating and to surrender my obsessive thoughts on food. I'm thrilled to fuel my body with dense nutrition, giving it what it needs to run well. I'm starting my before pics/weight/measurements now. But I can't wait to see the results. I can visualize the changes I'm making and that I'm going to see huge results because of this plan. I have a week to go before I can start but I love how my mind is already thinking new thoughts. Change is coming. Change is happening. The Lord is at work! I'm so thankful to God for bringing me to the right thing at the right time.

I woke up at 4 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. One of those wide awake mornings plus my sweet love snoring beside me, make a great combination = wake-up time. So how many times can I reset myself? How many times can I start over? Try again? Begin Afresh? The Lord tells us His mercies are new every morning and I think it's the permission I need to hear to be reminded that I can start again, today, now, this very moment. This journey has been far from perfect. Far from ideal. But what I love is that God has graciously walked with me and shown me new truths and old truths in fresh ways. Today, I'm choosing to love myself as I am. Not for who I will become but for who I am today. I'm grateful for this body that can move and take me places, that breathes for me, that cycles blood, eliminates toxins, and allows me the nutrition I need to be healthy. There are so many paths to take when it comes to weight loss. But I know the foundation remains the same- a lifest...

So it's been 2 years since I posted  and my health journey continues. Full of ups and downs. Full of moving forward and setbacks. I'm grateful to say because of the concentrated fruits and veggies I take I have great cholesterol, blood pressure and am overall exhibit good health markers- thyroid, liver, kidneys, etc. Recently though my sugars have suggested what I already knew. My body is fighting becoming diabetic. It's revealing the love of sweet tea, soda and all things junk. And let's face it my addiction- sugar, sugar, sugar. So I'm taking back the steering wheel and have given up sugar, bread, pasta. Yesterday, I did splurge on a chocolate milk. Lord, help me when I'm in Italy next month... The truth is I knew I was on a crash course collision. I could feel the dizziness, shakiness, irregular heartbeat and sweating. I knew what I was consuming was in direct conflict with what I should be eating.... and yet, the stress, taking the time to prep, an...

How many of us really know how to relax and unwind? Do you know how to push the pause button in your brain? Do you know what refuels you? I'm not talking about mindlessly numbing yourself through screen time or binge eating or drinking... I mean being truly refreshed! Our bodies need rest. We need proper sleep as a way to heal our bodies and reset ourselves. We also need to find healthy ways to relieve the stress that we each face in our day to day living. Honestly this is one of my most difficult changes to make... getting adequate sleep. The problem, I stay up late and then I struggle to get up early. Repeat. I know getting enough sleep helps me function better- mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. But sometimes feels so out of reach. I know also managing stress is very important for my health. I love hot baths and soothing teas. Reading a great mystery. Baking or cooking a new recipe. Painting my nails. Taking a quick nap on a Sunday afternoon. What refreshes you? H...

Do your remember the movie "Madagascar"? That film still triggers images of my kids jumping and down squealing, "I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it. MOVE IT!" Do you like to move it? Use it or lose it... this includes our muscles, our flexibility and our strength. We need to be moving around, bending, stretching, reaching, pushing, pulling... in other words active to keep ourselves strong. This doesn't mean you have to go run a marathon... Do activities you love... walking, cycling, dancing... Making those chores serve an extra purpose: cleaning your house with gusto, raking, vacuuming, scrubbing. Fit it into your daily life: Squats and toe raises by your desk, lunges as you walk to the copier. Arm workout by lifting your baby over your head. Parking farther away and walking the extra distance. The point is don't get caught up on doing it "right" or perfectly. Don't let yourself stop becau...

It's easy to remember to drink water in the hot summer months but when the weather has turned cool and Fall has arrived I somehow manage to reduce my water intake by half. Dehydration sets in... Yuck. So again I have to remind myself to drink. To hydrate. This article has 10 great reminders, or in it's own words, life changing reasons to drink more water... https://breakingmuscle.com/health-medicine/10-life-changing-reasons-to-drink-more-water So pick up a glass and fill it to the brim with water... Cheers

I love how God is always bringing things together in my life. How He slowly and surely guides and directs my paths... leading me, guiding me, giving me new resources. I love how so many different things converge into one thing.... My life has been on a path of transformation for a while. I have gone from a person who struggled with what other people thought of her to one who is so enraptured by God that others opinions have greatly diminished. I have gone from a victim: of sexual abuse, of difficult circumstances to a hero of my own story who sees every challenge as an opportunity, every difficulty as another story to tell to encourage, serve and bless others and every suffering as a means to draw nearer to Christ. I have shed a lot of my perfectionistic tendencies for good enough... If something is worth doing, it's worth doing imperfectly. I am learning to run, literally. It's the craziest thing. I would never have seen myself as a runner. I'm not an elite athlete...

Sometimes you have to spice things up or it will get boring. One of my favorite recipes is a marinade that I used for chicken, steak, etc. it's a heavenly mixture of olive oil, soy sauce, Red Wine vinegar, fresh garlic, ginger, brown sugar & rosemary. One of my favorite things is when I mix it up and just start at it before the oil completely separates and the rosemary creates a lovely spiral affect on top. The grill has been my choice of cooking lately and I'm thankful my husband is quick to grill for me. Mmm... we've had some yummy steaks. This week I will marinate chicken.

Some days I just want to quit. I don't want to deal with the hassle of preparing food. I just want to drive-thru and say forget about it. Today especially packing and preparing to go the zoo with Michael and Peter. I mean I was already making sandwiches for them. Why do things different for me? Why not make a PB&J since I was already doing it? I mean if I fixed a salad for myself wouldn't I look hoity-toity amongst the other moms with their sandwiches and bags of chips? So I told myself. Just do it. Just keep doing it. Don't worry about what others think. Don't cave into the easy and simple. I fixed myself a salad and cut up strawberries and apples that I knew I could also share with the boys. Some almond butter to dip my apples in. I know some days I "fail". Sometimes I have setbacks. Sometimes I cave and have a dessert splurge or a sugary coffee drink with a friend. But the difference is I don't call it quits when that happens. I get right ba...